DAY 60

I almost lost it today, I almost completely lost it.

I heard about the things my bully was saying and it made me feel sick after almost 2 years of relentless hatred and name calling, I had enough and I just started typing a strongly worded email. Then I remembered, some people are a lost cause and who am I to challenge someone who has such little sense of compassion left?

Dealing with a bully, it’s the most difficult test when you’re mentally ill as it really pushes you to your brink. Like everything I consider in my life now, it’s about management and that I can’t let things push me over.

I got offended at something which insinuated I was self-centred, which you all know is something I fight against on a regular basis. I do everything for others. This bully only knows me through social media, so they judge me without actually knowing who I am at all. Which gave me a different thought: how on earth do I present egotistical? The word they used was that of a psychological illness and I think that’s disgusting even trying to insult others with something serious like that.

In months I’ve posted 2 ‘selfies’, I’ve not posted anything I’ve bought or bragged about anything. Infact most of my tweets are to other people, encouraging words. The other things I tweet are either jokes or about the blog. My personal life is very much missing too, I’ve not mentioned the places I’ve travelled and new experiences or shared photos including anyone but myself when I have them. I spoke with my partner about this and we came to the conclusion that even with this tell all ‘mental wellbeing’ blog, I’ve not been telling all! I’ve kept so many things to myself. I have a huge shopping problem and daily I buy new clothes and makeups, prepare exotic meals go for lovely dinners and yet my Instagram has 5 posts in 3 years.

The person criticising me regularly posts about themself, their life, what they buy, what they do, several selfies, things they did last week, things they did last year… and we realised, the person who’s bullying me doesn’t truly have an issue with me, it’s an issue with themselves.

I don’t think people like seeing others do well and that’s the issue. All I’ve been doing on this blog is talking about my day and how I’m feeling good and it seems that’s an issue for some. It makes me think, why do we hate each other succeeding? Why can’t we all just motivate and encourage each other to do well?

Social media encourages such competition and I find it challenging dealing with hateful people who can’t stand me doing well. Although I truly question why people bother looking at my page and blog if they don’t like me. For months I wouldn’t hear what the bully said because the person who told me about them told me too much – and I just didn’t want to know any more. They told me when things got more heated in July and since then I’ve had regular screenshots and insights. I’m stopping this because what’s the point in me looking at the hate I am getting? And it’s a shame this person has no privacy because a faux friend is spreading the message.

I also get really angry and want to write bad stuff back, but there’s truly no point in joining the devil. So I have points in how I deal with this:

1.     Ignore it

If I don’t see it then I don’t know its happening, I can keep on living. Make sure all their pages are blocked and make sure to tell friends not to show you if someone’s writing mean things, it’s not worth the upset.

2.     Be Kind

If someone directly contacts you with rudeness be as kind as you possibly can be, if it’s so horrendous then of course ignore and block. If it’s a criticism then deal with it graciously – kill them with kindness!

3.     Know your worth

You are much better than this person attacking you and they are envious of something in your life. You find that their insecurities are loud and they’re looking for self-approval by writing ‘witty’ balls of hate for attention. You will find the issue is in them, and not you. Don’t waste too much time on the situation because you are better than it.

I find it sad when people bully me, in my case I think the person has their own troubles and so I don’t look at them with a grudge. I have a lot of sympathy as I had heard they used to be a nice person, I reckon they can still achieve that. What my partner said tonight was that “You can be a nice person and be nasty to one person and think that it still makes you a good person because it was deserved. But when you’re nasty to one, it affects the person you are and how you look.”

If you’re nasty to anyone, it ruins your claim of being a good person. Nobody is perfect but we should all motivate and inspire each other and just be kind! My bully has turned into the person they hate, and I hope they relieve whatever issue it is in their life that makes them feel so bitter. Everyone deserves a second chance and everyone deserves respect. Even bullies.

I hope all of you who’ve been bullied find comfort in my words, and if you ever think back at yourself as ever bullying (We all have in some form!) I hope you have learned from your errors and changed your ways.

Come join me in the sun, it’s lame throwing shade!