DAY 42

Day 42 in the Big Brother house...
I've been at work today which was totally hectic and busy, I served a lot of people who needed time and care with my service - oddly enough I enjoy that experience. I like helping people out as much as I can. When I got out of work I essentially ran to the american candy store next door to grab a slushy drink! Living in Scotland, it's very cool so when the weather is even mildly hot - I just can't take it! It's so difficult to deal with when the temperatures soar as I'm so accustomed to the weather being freezing!

Everytime I have work I'm so physically exhausted, the two hour commute home doesn't help massively! I got home and had a sit down on the couch whilst the puppy repeatedly licked and killed me. Having a dog is one of the most positive and annoying things to have in your life, I look forward to coming home to the puppy but when I'm home I remember how sore it is having her jump all over me! I love her though and as difficult as she can be - she's a loving, friendly dog.

Mood wise? I'm feeling good. I will admit, I did not take my antipsychotic medication today. I know that sounds bad, but it makes me so drowsy that I just can't function and I didn't want to have an awful performance at work and let the team down so I just went without. It meant my hallucinations were strong and I had to put more effort into ignoring what I feel going on but at least I wasn't yawning and looking anti-social.

I'm not sure what I can do about the tablets, I guess I can call my nurse as I'm sure my psychiatrist said you could take them at night instead but my doctor said she didn't hear the same thing. I'm worried when I take it tomorrow morning my whole day will be spent napping! I honestly can't stress how tired it makes me, I just want to jump into a pit of marshmallow clouds and snooze myself away.

I'm feeling like my life is approaching more normality - one thing I'm worried about personally is that I really need to do more work for my project at university. Majority of the people on my course have tons of money or live some place mildly interesting outside term time and so they capture much more obscure research. I would really like to travel somewhere quickly just to get some good research under my belt as I feel people are going to have much better resources than I can get.

I've obviously spent a great deal of time on this blog during the summer, of which I will not complain about - as I'm almost half way - but I feel like I can't be as brutally honest. Now that this blog is much less anonymous and much more 'Tune in to find out how interesting Aymie Black's day was!', people I know are reading and it makes me much more self conscious. Can I really address issues to do with my mental health or me being unwell when all my family are watching? Shouldn't I be a role model to my nieces and never get ill? My dad reads this everyday so I can't even disclose too much about my home life because he's waiting patiently for a mention (Hello Dad!).

I'm striving to be as honest as possible, but really at the moment I am just doing well. I'm sorry I couldn't have depression or something to make this blogpost more interesting. I will say however, my hallucinations have stayed strong and I'm not dealing well with the medication for that. Now that my lithium medication is perfect (However they want ANOTHER blood test), I feel quite good actually. It's nice to have a degree of stability in my life. The biggest thing I have to worry about is training the puppy, which is actually very difficult. Sometimes I feel like when life is going so well, something needs to go wrong - well maybe it doesn't. Maybe things can stay good, particularly when you work hard to achieve that level.

I hope you all are good too and that you've had a great productive day like myself. Tomorrow is Sunday so try putting your feet up and spend it with the ones you love. I know I'll be running around after puppy Daisy!