DAY 100 – PART ONE: YOU
For Day 100, I’m very happy announce there will be TWO parts – this one now, and there will be another surprise later this evening. To celebrate the
completion of the blog I decided to branch out and let YOU write the blog!
I hope you can all find people to relate to as they speak of their experiences
surrounding mental health: I have included gender, location and age.
--
My name is S and I am clinically depressed.
I had always been different from my classmates at school; I
was far sadder than them and I was always that little bit more cynical. I
however, for years, put this down to the relentless bullying about things such
as my weight which I believe to be a massive factor towards how I am now.
Seeing dieticians since I was 7 wasn’t exactly the fun after
school activity that I wanted to partake in but I didn’t have a choice. I am
not one to criticise the free healthcare that we have in this country, however,
being admitted to CAMHS when I was 17 because a doctor didn’t read my records
makes me angry. Not being able to be discharged as I was under 18 at the time,
took its toll on me. Being naturally skinny with a BMI of someone with anorexia
‘isn’t acceptable’ and I would be told weekly that my body was wrong. At 18; I
discharged myself.
I have lived my whole life with mental health illnesses; my
sister has Aspergers, my brother ADHD and both my parents are depressed with my
mother having OCD also.
Between the age of 17 and 19 I saw sex as a way to feel
something, this was the wrong route to take and has tainted sex for me ever
since; now it’s just meaningless. Sex to me with people I barely knew seemed
risky and fun; these people found me attractive in a way and as someone who was
told that their body was wrong from age 7, this was amazing! I had found a way
to be appreciated (or now I think about it, used.) Believe me, this is not the
route to take.
My depression spiralled out of control when I refused to
take the Fluoxetine (Prozac) that I had been prescribed as I ‘wanted to make myself
happy without it.’ This led to my college attendance slipping because I
couldn’t get out of bed. 42% as an attendance rate is enough to get anyone
kicked out. Luckily for me, my tutors put me on early study leave as they
understood my circumstances as I had told them about my mental health history
prior to this event. That helped. Telling your school or college about any
condition you may have, be it asthma or depression; helps. I swiftly started
taking them again.
I got diagnosed with depression when I was 17. When I told
my mum she already knew but didn’t mention it before as she didn’t want to
interfere. It upset me that I was officially diagnosed, however, the tablets
they had put me on helped and therefore I only saw it as a good thing. I no longer
wanted to harm myself daily or fantasise about being hit by a train. I
voluntarily got myself the help that I needed and that is what so many people
are afraid to do. Being mentally stable is difficult and believe me I am
nowhere near, but I am closer. The first step to even beginning to be okay, is
realising you’re not.
Female, 19, Wiltshire
I suffer every day with anxiety and
depression from my time serving in Iraq, losing friends and coming home to find
a marriage that was gone.
Every day is a struggle, a cycle of anxiety, and
paranoia from the anxiety, more anxiety, more paranoia and so on. I WANT to be
right again, to not fear someone in a closed door meeting is talking about me.
I want to be able to sleep again. I just want the pain in my head and heart to
go away.
Male, 45, Mid-Atlantic US
I suffer from two mental illnesses and a learning
disability. I suffer from depression, an anxiety disorder, and ADHD.
Many people do not take my illnesses and disability
seriously because they do not understand what I am going through and how it
affects me.
I take medications for all of my "problems"
but that won't make them disappear.
I try my best to act like nothing is wrong with me and
to be as happy as possible when I'm around people, but sometimes it's so hard
and I just want to get back into bed for the rest of the day.
People really need to try to understand mental
illnesses a lot better. But it shouldn't be the person with the mental illness
that has to educate you, try to educate yourself and help end the stigmas that
surround mental health.
Female,
19, Connecticut
I have battled anxiety and depression for as long as I
can remember. My parents thought my anxiety was low blood pressure, so I never
got the proper treatment until I sought out professional help when I was 23.
When I finally saw a psychiatrist, I was diagnosed
with severe anxiety and bipolar disorder. It took nearly two years, but we were
able to finally find a combination of anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, and
anxiety medication to keep me level.
However, in 2008, I divorced my children's mother and
became a single father nearly overnight. A combination of the divorce, getting
custody of my young children, and the fact their mother gave up custody
uncontested put me in a downward spiral. Not only was I on edge 24/7, but I
also couldn't eat, which led me to lose 45 pounds in three months.
While the pain of the divorce hurt, I sucked it up for
the sake of my children, ages 4 and 13 months. I was traveling down the
proverbial rabbit hole, but my friends and family were there for me to help
pick me up. Not all my friends knew about my mental problems, but them being
there for me just because they cared about me and my children helped more than
they will ever know.
Six months after all that went down, I snapped out of
my funk and everything started going well; I bought a house, a new car, and
started dating again. I ended up getting married again in 2012, but ended it
six months later as she completely changed and turned into a person who was not
the woman I fell in love with.
This divorce didn't bother me at all. I did lose over
$60,000 between the loss I took selling my house, the down payment on our new
house and various other things, but I didn't care. You can always get more
money.
Everything continued to go well until this past July.
I suffered a stroke just two weeks after my 35th birthday. I am still not in a
good place mentally due to my medical issues, my inability to work, and the
shit health care system we have in America. It will have been five months since
my stroke before I am able to see a neurologist next month to begin the process
of getting better.
During this time, I have kept pretty much to myself. I
stay at home, play video games, watch movies, and hang out with my kids. It's a
huge change from the life I was living just a couple of months ago. Even though
I am constantly down in the dumps, I do everything I can to keep a positive
outlook on life. I tell myself "things will get better; this is just a
temporary setback" daily.
And as silly as it may sound, I have found some
comfort on Twitter. I have recently met some awesome people and chit chatting
with them helps boost my mood. I'm grateful for every single one of my
followers and just want to let you know I appreciate the fact that I entertain
you enough to follow me and I enjoy our banter about MMA, gaming, mental
health, and a variety of other subjects.
I hope my mental state gets back to where it was once
I start the process of getting my medical well-being back under control so I
can once again live a normal. To all of you who feel the same way, here's the
best advice I can give you: when you wake up, be thankful you see the sun.
Everyday—no matter how gloomy or anxious you feel—is another day you have made
it.
In parting, I'd like to leave you with a quote I love
and have posted on my bathroom mirror.
"If you are reading this, you have survived your
entire life up until this point. You have survived traumas, heartbreak,
devastation, the different phases of life, and here you are. You go, mother
fucker. You're awesome."
Male, 35,
Kimberling City, MO
I never asked for this illness.
I never asked for it to rip through my body and soul
like hell unleashed on earth
It has destroyed my life, my family
It's manipulated my life since I was 12
I never knew it was there
It lingered deep and silent like a beast of the night
Waiting to pounce
It was assisted by the control of parents, teachers,
priests
Assisted by bullies and their tirades of savage
viciousness
My mind opened and let the beast in
It occupied and proceeded to swallow me whole
I never realized what was going on
It clouds your mind, a pea soup over the 'Real You'
A vicious entangled deceitful selfish we that
enveloped me
It fed itself and destroyed my friendships, my family
Medication and psychiatry assisted in cloaking its
power
Then I saw a glimmer of hope I don't know when but I
decided to move away from the beast
To separate us, like a troublesome divorce I had to
work quietly and slowly
First step - reliance on meds
Then exercise
Eating habits
I starved the beast and it has dissipated
Never gone it lurks waiting for an opportunity to mess
me up and resume its torment
I'm standing strong but the hardest part of recovery
is realizing the trail of destruction, the people you loved the most are the
ones you hurt the most.
The battle has only begun but I am stronger and I have
clarity
Male, 44,
Ireland
--
I decided to
speak to those I know personally as well to comment on how it is in relation to
dealing with others, this is what they had to say:
I’ve worked in a nursing home since I was 17/18 years old,
in fact that was my first ever job as a teenager.
This job was highly
demanding, and I didn’t realise this until a couple of weeks into it. This is because
it wasn’t a “normal” nursing home. The nursing home cared for elderly dementia
residents. Looking back, I think I would say that getting that job was my first
ever experience with anything mental health related. It opened my eyes to so
many different areas. For example, anyone can have a mental health illness; it
can be major, or tolerable. But the main thing is to not focus on the illness,
the person is an individual and not the illness they have been diagnosed with.
Dementia for example; it’s a disease of the brain, from my understanding of it;
is it slowly attacks and kills your brain and with it brings many problems.
Working with elderly people, it was emotionally hard to see them deteriorate,
because you do become attached to them, that’s unavoidable, for some it’s a
fast process and others it’s a slow one. I guess you can really say that I had
a lot of compassion to give. This job birthed my pursuit of a nursing career
which I am currently undertaking. I found out this year that a friend of mine
was diagnosed with a mental health illness and I was sad for her, but I knew
the kind of person she was/is, so I knew she could overcome and rise above it.
I’ve just tried to be there for her really, but I don’t ever see her as just
having an illness, she was my friend before the illness and she will still be
for the foreseeable future. She’s dealing with it in her own unique way, by
writing an amazing blog (100 days of Mimi) about her day to day life and how
she copes with her illness. Everyone has a journey to walk in this life, that
journey will lead to a destination, so make every step count with whatever life
throws at you.
Close
Friend. Female, 21, Stirling - Scotland
From a man's perspective with no
personal experience of mental illness, and from the experiences of those around
me, i.e my girlfriend, my grandpa, it's a terrifying thing.
My grandpa has
dementia, it is one he has only developed in recent years. He gets confused
about circumstances involving time and family, and isn't always present, its
scary to think that one day I might end up the same way, somewhat losing who
you are, losing connections to those around you.
With my girlfriend, I had seen that she
wasn't taken seriously by some of her doctors whether it was through botched
appointments, not giving vital medication or just general uninformed judgment
of her manner. Where-as if she had a physical symptom, it would have been taken
much more seriously. She has had to go through a lot more stress than needed
because of incompetent or just plain unsympathetic staff, and that has to
change.
I
would like for those with mental illness to receive a lot better treatment, not
just in terms of medication, but with how they are approached, be mindful of
their condition and treat them as the person they are rather than what their
illness is.
This blog is/was an incredibly brave and
personal thing to do, it is a window into her thoughts, her feelings, her
fears, her hopes for the future. She lays it all out for all people to read,
not many people could do that, all while encouraging others to strive for
better, whether its an unhappy situation, their own mental illness, or just to
try something new. It is no easy task to be that honest with people online for
100 posts, especially when they’re going through issues of their own. I am sure
it has helped a lot of people either come to grips with their illness or see
what it is like for someone who does suffer from one.
Ex-partner. Male, 23, Glasgow -
Scotland
As a person who doesn't have any mental health issues,
that I am aware of, it feels a tad weird to even have a say on it, but as
someone who has very close friends who deal with it themselves, I've learned a
few things through them.
First and foremost don't ever talk over them on the
issues they are dealing with, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean
it doesn't exist. You as an ally need to realize that it's great to raise
awareness but you should listen too, be willing to learn about new things when
it comes to the topic itself.
Secondly, don't use ablest slurs in general, just
because you are able bodied and someone else around you looks able bodied too
doesn't mean they are. Some disabilities cannot be seen by your naked eye but
it doesn't mean they don't exist.
Thirdly if you don't understand something related to
mental health issues just ask, don't make it into a guessing game or pretend
you know everything on the topic, cause most likely than not you will slip and
accidentally hurt the person you wanted to help. Yes I know everything I've
said is very generalized and calling it 'mental health issues' doesn't do it
justice but because it is such a broad subject I wanted to give you an opinion
as an ally so that if you guys want to support them as allies then you know how
to start. Remember it's okay to make mistakes, heck I make mistakes even now,
but always apologize, if someone calls you out for being insensitive or being
ablest then thoroughly apologize and don't make the same mistake again.
Close Friend.
Female, 19, Kent – England.
Check back at 9pm UK Time this evening for PART TWO!
