Friday, 28 August 2015

DAY 68


I'm so desperately trying to find normality and balance in my life and it's proving very difficult. I'm getting stuck in a rut of exercise and puppy sitting. I don't want to go out because I've not dyed my hair, but I've not dyed my hair because I have weird anxiety somethings going to go wrong - even though I've did it since I was 16. Even just tidying up again would probably help, but with the puppy I just don't have time to do full organization because my dad can't look after her himself at the moment. I believe I've gotten into a small rut, where I've became someone I don't really like. I can't stop playing games... I'm becoming so indoorsy that it's irritating me. Yes I walk 7 miles outside everyday, but then I just come in and get excited to watch Emmerdale. I've stopped talking to friends as frequently, I've not went out with company much at all this week and I know I've only been in this rut for maybe 5 days but it's killing me. I need to go out and socialise, how do people cope with this?

Luckily enough I have lunch planned for Sunday so I have to force myself to leave the house because I've agreed to it. I stopped working because it was ruining my health, and now as I sit at home trying to feel better - it's making it worse. My boyfriend has a new job too so basically I never get to speak to/see him. I think I'm just aching to go back to university, I so desperately want to go back and be that constant busy again... every single day. I really need to work in a place I'm comfortable and then I'll find normality. Or, I need a holiday... something exotic.

I will admit that blogging is giving me a sense of normality, a really warped sense but a sense none-the-less. I'm sorry I can't talk more, but I just feel a little dry. I think I need a kick up the back side or for someone to jump in and make me do things before I become a social recluse.