Hello all, elated to be back!
I've been incredibly busy
in the past few months, assessments at university, personal life impasses...
the kinds of things I'm sure you all have been craving incessantly since I last
gifted you a 'Day of Mimi'.
I decided that on the first
of June, I’d begin again with ‘100 Days of Mimi’. Last year, for 100 days - although
we can all vouch that I messed up the routine a little - I blogged about my
life with a mental illness. It was a difficult notion to open myself up so much
but initially there was not much of an audience – it was like having my own
diary, then when it had been noticed and ‘Mimi’ was indeed uncovered – I had to
take it upon myself to let go of that initial anonymity and open up about my
experiences to not only strangers, but people I knew. Mental Health is a
impenetrably difficult conversation to have, but after my 100 days of talking
about it were over, I received floods of messages from those who I had
influenced to have their own conversations and those who could resonate with
the things I had wrote in my blog.
What was my humble diary of
a teenage girl who had mental health issues, became a billboard and community
for those who were unable to have conversations about their own problems. Not
only did I speak out to those who had mental illnesses, I spoke out to those
looking further into understanding mental illness and it wasn’t until those 100
days were over that I started to feel a lot of pride towards the work I had
done. For something so personal to become shared property to better the good of
everyone, was an idea I was gratified with.
I hope for the next 100
days, you will enjoy the journey I am about to take you on again and I hope
that you will find some kind of value in the words I put on the page, because
as I write – I’m deeply and sincerely thinking about you.
So, let’s start again.
My name is Mimi, I am 20
years old and I live in the West Coast of Scotland. I go to art school and I
just generally enjoy being busy. I am single with a hilariously arduous dating
life, but I have a really nice dog so I mean I feel it falls into place
somewhere! I still (and always will) have Bipolar Disorder, but at the moment –
I am feeling really well. I’m still taking those extra steps to look after
myself.
At the moment I have taken
myself off my Bipolar medication, I am being treated for my anxiety solely. I
personally chose to take that break as other aspects of my life heated up and
the maintenance of appointments became demanding. Being on Lithium is awkward
because when you start it’s a timely process to get up to therapeutic level,
unfortunately I didn’t have time for that monitoring again so I had to have a
short break. Fortunately, I am in a positive place within my life and other
than some notions of anxiety, I pretty much have control on how I’m feeling.
That’s not to say I wake up feeling optimistic every single morning, but I’m
happy to be alive every single day – and that itself is enough for me to feel
content and confident with the direction my life is going in.
Probably the funniest story
I have of late is that I thought I would challenge myself and I took on this
ridiculous ‘Banana Cleanse’ where I could only eat bananas for four days.
Before you laugh and click off, I genuinely thought it would like rid my body
of toxins or something voodoo like that! I don’t know what I was thinking
honestly. I undeniably fall victim to the most ludicrous ideas! But after two
successful ‘banana only’ days, today was my third and I chose to give up on it.
I had weighed myself and I realized if I lost a single pound I’d be classed as
underweight in terms of BMI! That’s not the place I want to be in so I totally
gave in and ordered pizza, with stuffed crust too by the way, in order to keep
my weight in the green zone. But before I ordered that pizza, I honestly felt
so guilty like I was failing myself for not sticking to my word and completing
the four days!
I started watching these oddly
strict ‘pro-vegan’ videos and when I went to call for a pizza I was thinking…
oh god, someone would totally not be happy with me quitting this! This is the strangest
part of the whole 2 days though, at random points through the day I’d start
weighing myself or I’d pull my top up to see how flat my stomach looked. I
almost became obsessed, that’s why I also felt the pizza was seriously overdue.
I know the whole story sounds nonsensical, but something as simplistic and old
as dieting can honestly rule your head like crazy! Before you know it you’re
looking at girls with washboard abs on Instagram thinking ‘Goals’.
The whole internet
phenomenon of ‘goals’ is blowing up and it’s so vexing, even I was drawn into
it’s ways! I’m looking at a girl who only eats bananas with a 10cm waist and thinking
‘Goals’, gawping at people with glowing skin who eat bananas and thinking
‘Goals’ and staring on Instagram at banana smoothies all day on perfectly
polished granite worktops thinking… ‘You are so goals’. What’s the relevance of
this story? I became obsessed with modeling my personal goals on the back of
someone else’s impossible life. Even if only for two days, today I looked at
what I was doing and I started to feel weighed down by my impossible demands to
myself in order to attain a level someone with a completely different life to
myself has. It became a little toxic, looking at someone else so much and
thinking ‘Wow, I’d love to be you!’ and ignoring the person that I am, and the
things that make me feel good about myself and make my body feel good.
Now I’m not trying to say eat
the stuffed crust pizza but in a dysfunctional way I was taught a lesson today
not to concern myself too much with someone else, or worse – the essential
branding of someone else. Maybe, be a little more selfish with your goals.
Consider what you want for yourself and what feels good for you, proceed in the
direction of your life that you are most happy and excited about. That’s how
I’m maintaining my positive well being at the moment, that’s my secret, I’m
doing me. And I feel so good to be doing what I want to do and looking after
myself the way I deserve to be looked after. I’ve learned my lesson, 9 bananas
later… the pizza tasted so good. I’m glad I am my own ‘goals’, and you should
try it too! Think about yourself a little more and stop comparing, you’ll feel
so much happier!
I’ll see you all tomorrow,
pizza to finish.
Mimi x
