So I’m not quite better
yet. Tonight I went to a concert and it was great, a really fantastic
experience. I felt really good and was wishing I was in the standing area, but
I knew when I bought my tickets months ago that being stuck in that pit of
people would’ve ruined me – so maybe it was wise that I didn’t. However, it’s
totally my new personal goal to go in the standing area at a concert; I’m
aiming to accomplish this within the next twelve months! I think if I try it
and it goes successfully, it could eradicate a lot of the anxiety I have about
being stuck in a group of people.
In terms of how I’m
feeling, I’m not feeling entirely like myself so all systems are go on getting
treatment sorted by next week and taking things a little easier. For me, that
means spending a sobering amount of time just on my own for some
rehabilitation. So many people are nagging me for my time lately and it’s not
making me feel any better spending at least 3 hours a day travelling to braid
my cousins hair or go on a date with some guy I don’t know and have no interest
in whatsoever.
It’s a conflicted feeling
because I’m very much lonely. Nobody really talks to me to find out how I am,
it’s always the same old tired routine of somebody looking for something or a
male trying to ‘fire in’. Yet, I understand there are a lot of people trying to
involve me and I like that, but I think at this moment in time I need a break.
It’s wearing me down so maybe it’s time to keep the curtains shut in my bedroom
a little longer.
