So I’m not quite better yet. Tonight I went to a concert and it was great, a really fantastic experience. I felt really good and was wishing I was in the standing area, but I knew when I bought my tickets months ago that being stuck in that pit of people would’ve ruined me – so maybe it was wise that I didn’t. However, it’s totally my new personal goal to go in the standing area at a concert; I’m aiming to accomplish this within the next twelve months! I think if I try it and it goes successfully, it could eradicate a lot of the anxiety I have about being stuck in a group of people.
In terms of how I’m feeling, I’m not feeling entirely like myself so all systems are go on getting treatment sorted by next week and taking things a little easier. For me, that means spending a sobering amount of time just on my own for some rehabilitation. So many people are nagging me for my time lately and it’s not making me feel any better spending at least 3 hours a day travelling to braid my cousins hair or go on a date with some guy I don’t know and have no interest in whatsoever.
It’s a conflicted feeling because I’m very much lonely. Nobody really talks to me to find out how I am, it’s always the same old tired routine of somebody looking for something or a male trying to ‘fire in’. Yet, I understand there are a lot of people trying to involve me and I like that, but I think at this moment in time I need a break. It’s wearing me down so maybe it’s time to keep the curtains shut in my bedroom a little longer.