I'm finally home after being with family all weekend. It's been a tough, testing weekend but I'll get through it somehow. I've received the oddest letter about getting another CPN even though I asked for my group practitioner to deal with me alone. I've been suffering because of the slip up with my medication for almost 4 weeks now and so it won't be helping me when dealing with all this grief.
Having to nurse myself essentially from so many different issues is tiring but I'm getting through it. Sometimes I lose faith in myself that I can get through it, but we all do.
Despite the emotions we all feel, when it gets really tough, we are all able to get through it. The mental block in your head between you and your sense of peace, is an obstacle that can be taken down. I won't lie on here, I don't even consider much of what I'm saying or consider who I'm writing to - but it has been impossibly difficult for me recently and it does put me in a bad place. However, I have little shreads of hope that I can get through it.
I reread my posts recently and I know Day 34 particularly and I think a few posts before that were me, writing and crying. My heartbreak pouring out onto everyone's screens, and it perhaps isn't the most positive thing to read but it's reality. For anyone concerned about me, including friends and family, I am fine and I know I will be fine.
To anyone reading out there, you will be fine too. Things get difficult and you can get emotional about various situations, sad situations and even content ones, but that doesn't change your character. No situation is too difficult to recover from! Everything is so much more complex than it really seems and on Day 34 I reduced it to almost like a 'bad or good' person sentiment, I think the important part - almost contradicting myself - isn't being bad or good: it's about trying to be good. Things are difficult but I promise if you just focus on yourself and focus on being good in every situation, you have best set yourself up to pull yourself out of any bad situation.
You deserve to keep giving yourself chances and you deserve to be okay. I know I deserve to feel good again.
To anyone struggling, I believe in you like I believe in myself.
If anyone needs to talk you know where to find me, I will always be here for anyone. I hope you all have a pleasant bank holiday weekend.
All my love,