It is almost impossible to write a blog post when I struggle with things. It's hard to write when I can't even talk or think, it's hard to write when I don't want to talk or think. I swore to be honest on here and write on my good and bad days, but sometimes it's tough and I have to put myself first.
On Tuesday I had this huge disagreement with my group practice, who essentially have very little understanding of mental illness and never explain their processes to me when indeed my concentration is so hindered already. I was left off lithium for almost a week, they rescheduled a blood test then I went into the clinic and they told me they couldn't find my appointment. I was supposed to have a check-up for renewal of the contraceptive pill, because I need to be on that whilst I'm on lithium - and they were to check my blood. They only checked my blood and didn't give me another appointment - meaning another appointment would have to be arranged from my university time putting me far behind. To get to this 'missing' appointment anyway I had to eat into my course time although thankfully I caught up fairly quickly. So I was waiting on the results to come back from lithium, waiting on a prescription and left without my pill's prescription meaning my hormones were going to change very quickly without this medication continuing. I was also supposed to get an antipsychotic, which they hadn't prescribed yet.
So I was feeling very let down with the system, I even tweeted my MP out of anger. It seems this surgery is just so incompetent and they can't get much right, not to mention the fact that they are not educated to be compassionate enough with those who are particularly vulnerable - or even provide written information to those who need it, like myself. I think those in doctors practices, inclusive of the administration staff should be taught on mental health awareness - I don't think they understand how to respond to these people and I feel the way they address me is so intimidating and it puts me in a much worse mental state than the one I originally had come in with. It's worth noting that the doctors are perfect, but I'm finding the nurses who do bloods and the administration staff come across as very unkind.
I was given a new CPN who I am now going to see every two weeks, she basically works as an advocate for me. She is mailing me out information on certain things to do with my illness and she explains further what's happening in terms of diagnosis of psychotic disorder. I told her all about my group practice and she found it shocking, she called me today with loads of news. She got the psychiatrist to skip the group practice step and prescribe me both lithium and my new antipsychotic directly. She also called up the group practice and got evening appointments for me, so I don't have to miss university. She also got the doctor to give me one more month of my pill prescription to allow me more time to get another appointment since they so evidently messed up. I also assume she gave them an earful, as the doctor wants to talk to me about the practice's processes on how I get certain prescriptions as apparently my lithium is not a repeat prescription because of the toxicity factor.
So, yeah - It was a good productive day. I really like my new CPN, she's very productive and gets things done. She's also willing to pick the phone up to me whenever I need to talk and I can see her as often as I like, with our timetabled sessions every two weeks - evening appointments, so I don't miss university.
I also treated myself to the new camera I've wanted for absolute months. I'm so excited to use it tomorrow! It cost a lot of money and so I had to wait to get it, but I'm sure it will feel worth it when I get to hold it in my hands!
I hope you're all having a good day, and from this experience I've learned that there is help available - it's just difficult to find it sometimes. I really recommend having a CPN - that's something that's organised by your CMHT or psychiatrist, and it's usually linked with the Early Intervention Team. She basically looks after me and helps me manage my Bipolar Disorder which is a massive plus, sometimes I feel like I know it all and I don't need anything more than google - but she's a real practical help and things like communicating with my group practice is so helpful because they really don't listen to me!
