Sunday, 20 September 2015

DAY 86


I hope you haven't all retired from here, I see there are still so many of you checking back daily. It makes me feel particularly worse once I start reading the messages of appreciation for the blog, and I don't always have the heart to reply.

I'm feeling significantly better, and it's time to get back to regularly posting on here. Daily again! Thank you for all being so understanding.

This weekend I went away, spent time with an old friend and spent time with family. Had the most wonderful realisation on Saturday. So I was on a beach, it was nighttime and I ran over to this big rock, lay down and looked up at the stars. It sounds exactly like a John Green novel, right? I had this big flood of emotion and this moment of - wow, this is it and I feel good. I'm really quite happy within myself and my life. Sure things get hard, but I'm intrinsically happy with myself and who I am and my position in this world. I'm not too invested in who my company is now, what I do with my life and who I spend it with because I'm so happy to be myself. I'm very lucky in so many aspects, that makes me feel good. I can let go of things now, because I realised that I am far better than my poor situations. I don't need anyone, or anything.

I managed to come home and have a fully productive weekend because I feel happy. I've also got to this point where I don't accept the things that are beneath myself. Rude people, people who are more invested and intrusive in my life than I am myself and those who lurk around waiting to cause havoc. It feels like I've had that point where I don't feel I can be shamed for much, because I know exactly who I am. I don't know exactly what I want, but I know I am a good person capable of great things and so I'm going to keep living with this optimistic perspective. People don't scare me anymore and my life doesn't scare me anymore because I'm so content with myself and I'm comfortable.

I still feel moments of shock and sadness over things that have happened recently, but I'm comfortable with myself and I know that I can feel good alone. I'm besotted with my life, even the horrible bits because I know I have the strength to pull through them all. I'm officially doing okay.

I hope you are all at a good place and I look forward to hearing from you, I love listening to your stories and receiving feedback on the blog. I hope you're all feeling good. If not, there's always tomorrow. All my love, as ever.

Aymie