Thursday, 17 September 2015

DAY 85

I'm sorry I couldn't bring more to this blog now, really I am.

There's no doubt I'm having a hard time right now but at the moment I'm just looking forward to uni starting and having something more productive to do. I feel like I'm over-analyzing things and there are just stupid issues coming up that just shouldn't be there. I have a habit of overthinking, but maybe I'm just well overdue being left alone.

I know there are people manipulating me, which is sick. I'm aware there are people there utilising me and I'm sick of that. I just want to bugger off into a different world basically.

You know what, I just want to runaway. I'm feeling better than I did before, but I'm at this stage where I'm irritated more than anything and I'm sick of being there for absolutely everyone and being kind when people are being a pain in the ass. I'm breathing in this moment and I'm realising a lot about the people around me.

I'm made to feel guilty of writing this blog too, I can't say the honest truth anymore because people are watching. I write on this and my family get several phone calls about me. I can't write on this because my ex boyfriends know about this. I've essentially got this huge emotional injunction and I'm so sick of everything. I know by complaining aswell people will judge me and I'll look like I'm this big mess, when I'll credit myself to a degree of doing better than I ever thought I could. Maybe I just need to have my breakfast or something, I feel like I can't write on this blog unless it's positive. People can keep their pity parties to themselves.

I'm feeling a little trapped to be honest, and I don't think it's down to my own exploded feelings.